| Why did i do that? |
[13 Jun 2005|03:16pm] |
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Doubt Full-NFG |
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So yeah i deleted all my comments off myspace. Thats cool i guess. I did it cuz someone kept getting mad and insecure about it. So i found myself starting the process of deleting it, beacuse it would make them feel better. But now i looked at that and im like....that was fuckin stupid you idiot. What does that say about me as a person? That ill delete something that i like to make you feel better because you cant get over it? Thats the last time i do that. Cuz i dont know if theyd do that for me. If i got insecure all the time and mad about their myspace i HIGHLY doubt that theyd say "Ill delete it cuz maybe thatll solve some problems." I dont know if theyd put aside their pride.I shouldent have to do this. Im not a shitty person and i really dont deserve to be under constant suspicion.I think that i should let myself have some pride and not bend to youre pressure. Ive been fucked over wayyyy to many times to count and know what i wouldent do that and if you dont believe me im never pulling shit like this again to try and make you feel good cuz my word should be enough for you.
<3Mo
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| Yeahhhh havent used this thing in a while |
[22 May 2005|10:19am] |
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One True Thing-I'll Wait |
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Hey guys,
Havent used this thing in a long time but i figured id write some things down in here and stuff. So yeah. Here goes. Well getting in fights with someone you care about is never good. But they happen. And they suck, and people say things theyre thinking without regard for the other person, but it happens. But theres something i cant deal with and i dont want to have to deal with it. Obviously friends have an influence over you and you take what they say into consideration, or downright believe it straight out. Everone does it. Even me, but im one of the people that just considers it, because there is 2 sides to every story. Like example, if a friend tells me that their boyfriends being a jackass cuz they hurt them, ill obviously think that they suck cuz i mean they hurt my best friend, but then i think, well my friend has probably hurt their boyfriend....right? And i hate single minded people that forget about the other person. Theyre so one minded, it doesnt matter the personality of the other person, or what kind of person they are, they suck cuz thats what you were just told. And then you agree with it, you tell your friend, yeah they suck dont deal with them. That creates awkward situations. Cuz i mean look at this. How many of us have looked at a girl and was like, hey how come she only hangs out with her boyfriend alone, maybe because her boyfriends friends now think shes a shitty person cuz of what her boyfriend told them and she feels awkward.
Ok this whole trying to use examples and shit is confusing me. Im just gunna say it. How dare you say that im shitty and i shouldent be trusted. Fuck you. Talk to me first, cuz you dont know the whole fucking story. How about that. And obviously you dont know me, i thought you did, and obviously you didnt. So thank you very fucking much, now im going to be constantly thinking that my boyfriend is reminded that im a shitty person and hes the angel in the relationship. What do you think ive never been hurt through this, what, did that never cross your mind? Well guess what i have been hurt in this relationship. So know what. Obviously i dont know who i can trust. So thank you. You know who you are, for ruining what we were trying to fix.
-Cait
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| Hi. |
[16 Dec 2004|07:43pm] |
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Vanessa Carlton |
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Hi Guys.
Yeahhhhhh I fucking hate this. I really hate my life right now. This sucks so bad. All i do is play basketball and do homework. Like seriously i come home, start my HW then go to bball, then come home and do more homework. I cant even handle it. I dont do anything fun, and mostly im not even doing homework, cuz ive finished it, mom makes me do more. Great. I have one day a week, my friday nights.(and my birthday) i have basketball, then i wake up at 8 Saturdays then go to Nashoba, then i come home....shower then possibly go out that night. Sunday the entire day is devoted to homework. The. Entire. Day. Even if my homework takes me like 1-2 hours....it doesnt matter its better to be forced to stay in all day. And thats what i am, and this is making me miserable. I dont go out, i dont see my friends, hell half of them cant even come to my birthday. Whatever its ok. Id rather be happy and get Cs, rather than miserable and get As, but thats not what lifes about right? its what you make yourself in life that really counts right? Blah blah blah. Suck it the fuck up right? Put a little work in and youll be ok. How many of you have a life like this? It doesnt help that all my mom talks about to me is my grades and puts so much god damn pressure on me that its giving me a fucking ulcer. Like my birthdays tomorrow, and all i wanna do is go somewhere....farrrr away. Like Alaska. Ill go chill with the fucking seals. I bet that they dont care what my grades are. This is taking such a toll on me, and i cant even stand it. This is too much responsibility. Like mom the other asked me...."So youve given up all hope of going to a good college." Yes. If going to a good college means this is what im going to have to do. I really dont even think im smart enough to do what i wanna do anymore, and it sucks but whatever. Those dreams were meant for someone else. I refuse to be like this, cuz then im going to be a 30 year old burn out. Im going to forget what it is to go out and have fun if this is what im doing in college. Study. Sleep. Class. Study hall. Study. Sleep. Class....god im going to make myself sick. hahaha. Whatever....this isnt going to change so i should jus get used to this. GAH. someone fucking help me get to Alaska.
-Mo
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| One last day here. One last day in Paradise. |
[12 Dec 2004|08:57pm] |
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Thoughtful.... |
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Vanessa Carlton-Paradise |
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once upon a year gone by
she saw herself give in
every time she closed her eyes
she saw what could have been
well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds
when covers tucked in tight
funny when the bottom drops
how she forgets to fight...
to fight
and it's one more day in paradise
one more day in paradise
as darkness quickly steals the light
that shined within her eyes
she slowly swallows all her fear
and soothes her mind with lies
well all she wants and all she needs
are reasons to survive
a day in which the sun will take
her artificial light...
her light
and it's one more day in paradise
one more day in paradise
it's one more day in paradise
one last chance to feel alright...
once upon a year gone by
she saw herself give in
every time she closed her eyes
she saw what could have been
But theres always someone who has it worse off than you do....
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I'm far
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?
I have no way of saying how i feel right now....so i just use lyrics cuz im a pussy and cant speak for myself.
< 3
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| hahahahaa |
[26 Nov 2004|11:53am] |
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 Happppyyyy |
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NFG-Catalyst |
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So yeah.....broke out my NFG cd today....man. Brings back sooooo many memories from this summer. I think i had that cd constantly playing everywhere i went.hahaha. It reminded me of that time when a bunch of us climbed the middle school?Hahaha....and Randy and Jer saved Sams life? Hahahaha....reminded me of the day at beach and the Reel Big Fish show that night where we lost Robb and Jer and Anthony. What a good time though. And that time at Sams where we had a barbque and went swimming. Actually of everytime i was over Sams....or over Julies that time where everyone was in the pool? Reminds me of Devons camp this summer and all the fun we had belting out the lyrics to all the songs on this cd in the back of the truck getting ice cream and driving the jet skis and quads and threewheeler and everything. Reminds me of Cape Cod with Court and staying up till like 3 am watching Bug Juice adn Lord of the Rings...hahahahaha. Last but not least.... my favorite memory i think is driving across the desert in Arizona with it blaring in my ears. lol. Dunno made me wikked happy cuz this summer was amazing and i cant wait till the next one and this CD brings back all those memories cuz it was pretty much playing constantly for 3 months hahaha. Man i cant wait for that sunshine to come back and days at the beach and everything. I fucking love that. Hahahaha....wikked random Post....but hey it works.
<3333Mo
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| Hiiiiii Guysssssss |
[14 Nov 2004|08:22pm] |
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 Sunburneddddd |
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REM-Loosing my Religion |
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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Just got home to this frozen winter wonder land. And im sunburned to hell. And Aloe? Oh im sorry....we dont have any. Right so wikked good trip, got there on wed night....went back to the beach took a walk and PASSED OUT. Then next morning arose and went to the pool for the day....what a pretty place. There was a juingle in the hotel. Then we went to Ron Jons....quality store...got a few things....no surf boards...gah. Then went to sleep woke up the next morning and made cinimini rolls then went to MGM. Rode the Tower of Terror with court....the boys pulled out last minute. Theyre not real men. Then we went to Epcot for a few, went on some cool space thing Me and court" Wowwww....howd they do that!?" Wikked dumb we couldent figure out the ride spins. Then We went off to The Magic Kingdom! Went on Buz Lightyear.....good ride/ arcade game thingy....then went on Runaway Railroad...then Haunted Mansion then Space Mountain....good fun.....then back to Epcot and on Test track....amazzzzzing. Then went home....got in around 1130....made a fone call( :-) ) Then went to sleep. Yesterday...woke up and went to the beach. What a gorgeoud beach. Stayed there till lunch came in and hand sandwiches then went back out to the pool. Had a tea part, put on a fashion show...threw court in the pool....got a tan....thats a day well spent. Then we went to dinner and ice cream and came back home to the hotel...chilled outside....made yet another fone call ( :-) ) and fell asleep around 2....woke up at 4....went to the airport....and came home. Funny story....when we were leaving the airport....i deffinatly left my cell phone in the bathroom and the flight attendant went back and got it for me, then today at the airport....wad i do? Left my cell in the bathroom....again....Im a fuckin idiot. Yeah....so then i went around to see Carley and Fitz today and gave them gifts and i was sposed to see a certain someone, but their immune system hasta be a pansy and they hadda get sick and sleep all day. :-) So yeah....its 837 and im wikked tired and living off 2 hours of sleep ill probably edit this entry when i can open both of my eyes. So yeah until then <33333333333
<333Mo
Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
-What a good song
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| Leaving.......again |
[09 Nov 2004|05:51pm] |
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The Killers....Somebody Told Me |
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Hi Folks.....
In reply to all the comments you guys gave to my last post....you guys all made me feel better and i apprecitate it....really. Thanks.:-) So yeah....todays the last day in this cold weather....then to Florida to see visit two of my favorite men....or ones a man....ones an animal.... Buffett....and Mickey. I <3 Mickey. So yeah me and Court are FINALLY getting down there cuz last time damn Hurricane Charley was gay and decided to ruin our trip. But the forcast says 80s and sunny....so im happier than happy....and things latley have been good. Got myself into something new... <3 .....so yeah....hope that works out....but as of now...i want chicken and i want to finish packing....and go out and buy combos....cuz i need a snack for the plane ride tomorrow...so yeah...call me or soemthing cuz i have free roaming or something so it doesnt cost when im in Florida....but you hafta call me....sooo im leaving this all up to you....will i talk to my loved ones in Tewksbury....or be forced to find new friends down there in Cocoa Beach....there ARE alot of surfers.....hmmmm.....surfing.......yayyyyy!
<3333Mo
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[28 Oct 2004|09:43pm] |
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 Bursting with every emotion. |
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Avril |
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"she may be what you say she is but I can tell you I have way more TRUE FRIENDS than she does."
"she may be what you say she is but looks don't matter"
-Yeah.... just read that and its about me....from an old thing...and think she may be on to something and i cant stand this anymore....im getting EVERYTHING off my fucking chest.....EVERYONE.....STOP FUCKING TAKING ME FOR GRANTED. JUST STOP. I FUCKING HATE IT. I AM NOT FUCKING DISPOSABLE. i will not tolerate this amymore...i just cant......im not like a fuckin swtich that you turn off and on...."i need you, be my friend now" Of course ill be your friend... I ALWAYS AM!!!!! but thats my own fault....i always help people....dosent matter what theyve done to me....ill forgive em in an instant and be there to help them. SO FUCK YOU. Im so done helping all of you....cuz none of you help me....i have a select few friends who help me and thats it. Maybe im just too nice of a fucking person? So yeah....need a ride somewhere....CALL SOMEONE ELSE.....need someone to cry one.....FIND ANOTHER SHOULDER.....CUZ NONE OF YOU WILL DO IT FOR ME.Half of you dont even acknowledge me....cuz you all think....aw its ok....shell still be there for me through anything....i can name sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many people that ive helped....included in all of my plans.....blah blah blah....to make them feel better....and when they do feel better after all my help.....they ditch me. Not a thought in the world to as in to continue to be friends with me....cuz theyre ok now....what the fuck do they need me for....right? Yeah...most of youprobably will read this...say....wow....that sucks....i didnt do that to her....and 99.999999999% chance....Yeah....you fuckin did. Apparently none of you know what friendship means to me....cuz everyone takes me so lightly....and i just want you to fuckin stop. Cuz im sick to death of it.So know what....i hate this more than anything....im so ready to scream and scream and scream....that nothing i do will EVER be good enough for any of you people....ill always be second rate. Dosent matter if im the nicest...funniest most caring person in the world...im only good enough when your in dire need of someone....so know what? Im through.
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[24 Oct 2004|09:07pm] |
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Good Charlotte-Secrets |
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Wow.
Just Wow. Alot of things were just blatantly put into perspective for me...wow. Whatever....i like myself....and im happy being me right now. IF thats not good enough then whatever....sorry im not as good as you. Now im afraid to say stuff to you....cuz i can just see you laughing at it....and that sucks. But whatever....theres people who dont think that of me that me and them are in the same perdidimate....but yeah.....i just feel stupid right now lol.
Hahaha WOW....more cocky than i thought.....whatever though.....i hateeeeee people like that....so dont be like that....its fuckin annoying....and thats one of my pet peeves....im not some small person with no understanding. Trust me.
Theres another world inside of me
That you may never see...
<3Mo
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| Whatever....FUCK you |
[15 Oct 2004|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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Three Days Grace- I Hate Everything About You |
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Just got home from the dance and it was a wikkkked good time except for a series of unfortunate events. They started with me. I was stupid enough to believe someone when they aid they liked me.....everyone was saying, hes acting weird....i think hes leading you on. Heyyy.....i agree now....and know what.....FUCK you.:-).....ive dealt with SO MUCH bullshit from EVERY....SINGLE....GUY. And the night started off pretty well....then he pulled a usual stunt and didnt talk to me....i wanted to talk but everything i say is either A. Offensive....Or B. Wikked stupid....yeah well at least i fucking talk! Anyhow....im so done with this bullshit...i dont need it...i was having a wikked good time at the dance....and i NEVER EVER WANT TO FUCKING GO BACK to the way i was. You know how....their mood affects mine.....never again....ever. So FUCK you im done with you telling everyone that "you should be the one mad at me." What the fuck? I never did anything until you didnt want to talk to me or started talking to everyone else.....and even then i wasnt mad....but yeah as Shane said..."Leave....just leave." This isnt even that big of a deal at all really...it isnt....im just glad they dont want to talk to me anymore NOW rather than later....when i really started to fall for them....cuz if that happened....thad be HELL. But whatever....im back to me now....no crushes....no guys....cuz they all lie and suck.
<3 Mo
You can’t break away what you cannot change
You can’t break away
You can’t break away what you cannot change
You can’t break away
You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot see at all
You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot breathe at all
What do you do when you’re alone?
What do you do when no one’s home?
What do you do when you’re alone?
Out of control, Now on your own
-REFUSE to let that EVER be me again.
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| Urgh. |
[11 Oct 2004|09:07pm] |
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 okay |
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music |
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Yellowcard-Breathing |
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Wikked good weekend though!!! Filled with good times and good people, get my car on the road tomorrow babbbbbbby!!!! Hell Yes. Hey Court....my finger has a big blister on it....cuz i grabbed the piece of hot wood....in the fire....im....an....IDIOT. Right, AP test tomorrow....gotta study....adios amigos.
Everyone wants to be beautiful.
Man...I wish I was beautiful.
<3 Mo
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| Ahahahaaaa |
[03 Oct 2004|06:04pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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Oasis-Wonderwall |
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Good to know.......
<3 Mo
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| Yeahhh |
[03 Oct 2004|10:43am] |
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ecstatic |
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Green Day-Nice Guys Finish Last |
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Hiii there!
Well, thanks for all the comments and letting me know that your there for me....i appreciate it very much. I really do. Thanks guys....yeah, so everythings pretty amazing, last night i went to witches woods.....wikkkkked fun time....hahahaha.....I feel bad for Jeremy...the poor kid had to sit next to me and i think i popped a vein in his arm hahaha.But i still think that Jer was as scared as i was..."I hit the deck....i didnt know what to do!" Although it rained, and we were all soaked...it was still a good time being frightened on the hayride...but it stopped raining and we even got to see the thriller dance...hahaha...."Ok, the conversation ends with you." Poor Dan. I still maintain tha it was outstanding when vampire girl fell in the mud....hahaha.... haha....yeah....so im wayyyy over playing all these games with people, i dont even care anymore. Im not in third grade. So i gave up and it feels good. hahaha...cuz i realized that im better off staying this way anways....i dont need to get back into the world of drama and stuff...so im glad that they chose to fuck with my head hahaha. So i gota go eat breakfast and do TONS of homework...and to you....sorry, but your not worth the effort anymore.:-)
<3Mo
P.S. I love my friends to death.
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| Hmmmmm |
[30 Sep 2004|05:39pm] |
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3 Doors Down- Loser |
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Hiiii!!
Just got back from my game......got homework to do now.....then im probably going to the boys game. This weeks been pretty routine, but fun all the same...even though im still out of soccer. This weekend im going applepicking and to Witches Woods....gunna be so fun. Then i dont know what im up to on sunday probably another good day in store hahaha. I dont really know anymore....but whatever....im not really gunna explain it all in here.... i just wish a friend was really there for me......but i guess its sooooooo true "You want a helping hand?....Take a look at the end of your wrist." But yeah whatever, i deal....theres no one to be like...."Heyyy i have a problem" to....so whatever....its really not a big problem then....But yeah i gotta go eat supper....and then im goin to the guys game in Chelmsford....adios.
P.S. Fuck all of the people who im ALWAYS there for. But unless they need me to be there they dont wanna help me, cuz their to busy dealig with their own shit. Hey its not like i dont have my own shit to deal with, but I put it aside and help YOU sort out your mess....so fuck you for not helping me out.
-Mo
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| These thingies are funnn |
[28 Sep 2004|10:22pm] |
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 crazy |
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Yellowcard-Finish Line |
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OK!!!!!!!!!!!.....WEIRD.....Im gettingmarried on my Birthday.....whoaaaa.....freaky....P.S.....Romanticist....notice why people date me....personality....or looks....hahaaha
<3Mo
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| Hmmm |
[20 Sep 2004|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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The usual Smile |
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music |
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Marijuanaville-Bare Naked Ladies |
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....Hmmmmm.....ya think so?
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| ha.Ha.HA. |
[05 Sep 2004|10:43am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Gretchen Wilson-Here for the Party |
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Hahahahahaha.....a cow.....for a background. Good God. My Lj has gone to hell since i now know how to do this...oh man.
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| Sort me out. |
[04 Sep 2004|11:23pm] |
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 blank |
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3 Doors Down-Loser |
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I think ive got such a great handle on everything.....and it comes and goes. Dunno, most of the time i have a handle on everything and im ok with it, but there are these fleeting moments where everything seems to be a huge blur of just everything. Fleeting moments of shit like, whats rong with me and why does that always happen, but i just kinda push it outta my head and then its gone. Dunno why they still enter my mind....oh well... Schools started again....not too bad....hopefully should be a good year. Got soccer right now and stuff....sd;lfksd....icky mood. Havent had one of these in a good month and a half.....but you cant ALWAYS be happy, right? One thing i wont do is become the weak person i was. Im bigger than the shit thats happened. Thats not even whats putting me in a ick mood. I just am. Dunno....just feel alone i guess...whatever right? Everyone feels that way once in a while....Dunno...i just always am the one to make others smile and shit...Dunno just want someone to make me smile...ya know?....im just too busy making everyone else smile for em to notice....not that its a bad thing, i love doing it... ah whatever...im smiling myself when i do it right? Urk. I dislike this mood. I want to chill on my couch with someone and watch a movie. Thats when you want someone....not anyone specific....just someone to be with....but whatever....its not something you need.
-No one knows what its like
To be mistreated,To be defeated
Behind Blue Eyes
And know one knows how to say that their sorry
And dont worry,Im not telling lies
But my dreams....they arent as empty as my conscence seems to be....-
Breathe in right away
Nothin seems to fill this place
I need this every time
So take your lies, get off mycase
Someday i will find a love that flows through me like this
And this will fall away, this will fall away
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| HELP ME |
[03 Sep 2004|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 STUPID LJ |
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music |
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Big and Rich-Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy |
] |
OK. So....my LJ works in the old format.....but when i switch it to the new format IT DOSENT SHOW UP all my entries are there but they dont show up and i dont know why. Someone.....ANYONE who knows how to fix it....help.....
Thanks.:-)
<3Mo
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[03 Sep 2004|01:22pm] |
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slkfmhsdf
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